Meilleur Linge de Lit de L’année
Setting: The background screen is a corridor of a Hotel. Two environmental wall are used as the wall of corridor and the doors of each room. Monsieur Dupont, the manager of Hotel Prague is talking with Schmidt, a young salesman of Personal Locust Detection Device in front of the door of Room 233. Behind the fake Room 233 door on environmental wall, a Canopy bed locates in the relative center of the space.
At Rise: Two persons talk in the darkness and walk from the back of the stage to the part of stage close to audience. At rise, they just stop at Room 233.
Monsieur Dupont
Écoute, En tant qu’hôtel réputé, nous sommes confiants dans notre travail de nettoyage.
(Monsieur Dupont says in the darkness of the stage,both actors walk from the back of the stage to the front.)
Schmidt
I understand that Monsieur Dupont. But as I mentioned before, the judges of European Sheets Association also use our product.
(Schmidt says in front of the door of Room 233, he has a travel bag in his right hand, there is a puppy head on this bag)
Monsieur Dupont
My dear little Schmidt,I allow you to do this demonstration to me does not mean our hotel wants to win that stupid prize concocted by stupid Polish, the so called Meilleur Linge de Lit de L’année. French will not make the prize smell less Polish stinking.
(Monsieur Dupont angrily waving his fist at the air as if a stinking Poles standing infront of him)
Schmidt
With all respect Monsieur, but the European Sheets Association Founder M. Bakowski is a French.
(Schmidt is puttingup both his hands, showing the palms towards Monsieur Dupont with a sincerelyface)
Monsieur Dupont
That polish name tells you everything. You don’t need to learn where it was born when you want to catch a fish. Now, you should enter the room and do the demo quickly, Is till have large hotel to attend.
(Monsieur Dupont opens the door, shows the way for Schmidt)
Schmidt
By the way,Monsieur, you should also know that…
(Schmidt is still standing there and trying to say something)
Monsieur Dupont
Will you enter or not?
(Monsieur Dupont redoes the please-enter gesture firmly and says with a sharp voice)
Schmidt
Yes, yes, of course Monsieur, if you insist.
(Schmidt flashes into the door, both of them walk to the side of bed, facing the audience. Schmidt notice the strong perfume in the room, so he frowns)
Seems your customers have an extreme found of perfume.
Monsieur Dupont
Now, it is your only chance to show your witchcraft.
Schmidt
My pleasure.
(Schmidt drops his bag and taking a handgun like device. He aims at the bed sheet, and takes a deep breath.
Monsieur Dupont looks at him. Monsieur Dupont is trying to show he is calm and gives no care to this young man’s performance,but his shaking mustache gives him off.
Schmidt triggered the device, and the read the number on the device. He suddenly shouts with frightened face and almost throws the device away.)
The number is insane. Your sheet is worse than the darkest sewer in ghetto of Prague. I do not believe you are the Meilleur Linge de Lit of the last year and they even want to give this prize to you again.
Monsieur Dupont
That is the most malicious slander I have ever heard before.You must pick up this cursed gun and get out of my Hotel.
(Monsieur Dupont’s face is red for the rage, he roars at Schmidt, standing bolt upright, pointing at the door with his right forefinger. Suddenly, he realizes something and freezes there.)
Wait, what did you say? Why you know we are going to get the best sheet award this year again?
Schmidt
No. No… I, I… didn’t say that. You must have, have… an acousma. I will leave, as you say.
(Schmidt is trying to pick up the gun but failed twice, then he just throws it into the bag, getting it on his shoulder. He is stammering. Once he puts on his bag, he takes out his phone crazily typing on it. Since it is an iPhone not in mute mode, the sound of keyboard is extremely load. He does not look at Monsieur Dupont and trying to rush beside him towards the door.)
Monsieur Dupont
You will go nowhere.
(MonsieurDupont steps forward and takes his phone, reads it out aloud)
Cher Comité,merci de votre gentillesse et de votre confiance pour m’avoir confié la conduitde l’enquête de terrain du gagnant désigné de Meilleur Linge de Lit de L’année…
(The voice of Monsieur Dupont goes lower and lower, with an unbelievable face, with eyes widely opened like lamp bulb)
Commissaire, I didn’t notice that your arrival and the incident happened is just a small mistake. This room have not been booked for almost three days. You should know the weather of Prague, it is too damp in May…
(Monsieur Dupont returns the phone and keeps bowing)
Schmidt
Monsieur, there has been no rains for Prague for three weeks.
Monsieur Dupont
Yes, yes, but you know, Vltava will still vaporize lots of water…
(Monsieur Dupont is almost in the posture of begging,he also tries to wipe out the sweat on his forehead)
Schmidt
But…
Monsieur Dupont
Please, we could not lose the competition in the best sheet.
(Monsieur Dupont kneeled on the ground)
Schmidt
Listen, Monsieur, I would like to help you, but the device is the truth. So, why not try to give me an explanation to convince me?
Monsieur Dupont
We, we just found putting sheets in puppy house before using it will make the guests sleep better in the evening… So, we put all of our sheets in puppy house before they are served.
(Monsieur Dupont gives two hands out, trying to pretend he is a puppy…)
Schmidt
You just put your heets in puppy house?
(Schmidt stares at Monsieur Dupont, his eyes are shining)
Monsieur Dupont
Ye… Yes? We just getthat conclusion from an accident, you know, we did not realize the problem ofmites… And we have to use perfumes to cover the smell…
Schmidt
That’s genius,that’s it best idea I have heard ever!
Monsieur Dupont
Real… Really?
Schmidt
You are the most intelligent manger I have ever met, I believe they owe you the best sheets prize. I will tell them, so, see you around.
Monsieur Dupont
Oh, if that’s the case, I would be so grateful for your kindness.
(Monsieur Dupont stands up, watching Schmidt rushing out of the room with his puppy bag. He is stroking his mustache)
Young idiots, why will put sheets in puppy house? Definitely, they should be put into pigsty.